1 00:00:04,190 --> 00:00:07,520 Ugh, that shadow's back, and it's not doing us any favors. 2 00:00:07,590 --> 00:00:08,870 Should we bring the lamp in again? 3 00:00:08,890 --> 00:00:10,220 Enough with the lamp, enough with the shadow. 4 00:00:10,240 --> 00:00:11,340 Let's do this already. 5 00:00:11,360 --> 00:00:12,840 Sorry, but it's gotta be just right. 6 00:00:12,860 --> 00:00:14,476 Plus, I'm a dad. Taking forever with a camera 7 00:00:14,500 --> 00:00:15,719 is a part of my brand. 8 00:00:15,720 --> 00:00:17,970 Should I smile mouth-closed or mouth-open? 9 00:00:18,040 --> 00:00:20,570 Mouth-open. Makes you look like you were caught mid-laugh. 10 00:00:21,940 --> 00:00:23,070 This is so dumb. 11 00:00:23,140 --> 00:00:25,540 We take the same Christmas card photo every year. 12 00:00:25,610 --> 00:00:27,640 And every year, our smiles are a little different. 13 00:00:27,700 --> 00:00:28,990 Yeah, but these old pajamas aren't, 14 00:00:29,010 --> 00:00:30,526 and they're riding up the ol' chimney. 15 00:00:30,550 --> 00:00:32,220 Well, deal with it, ya scrooge. 16 00:00:32,250 --> 00:00:33,250 Look at us. 17 00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:34,930 I don't normally toss out this word, 18 00:00:34,940 --> 00:00:37,119 but we're real cute. [CHUCKLES] 19 00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:39,220 Maybe instead of cute, we go for funny this year. 20 00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:41,440 Evan and Emery can pretend these lights are handcuffs, 21 00:00:41,460 --> 00:00:43,960 and I'll be like, "No, I'm innocent!" 22 00:00:44,130 --> 00:00:45,630 Save your pranks for Halloween. 23 00:00:45,730 --> 00:00:47,260 Christmas is about tradition. 24 00:00:47,360 --> 00:00:48,440 Don't bring Halloween into this. 25 00:00:48,450 --> 00:00:50,340 Halloween has no dog in this fight. 26 00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:51,630 Okay, we're all set. 27 00:00:51,700 --> 00:00:52,800 All right. 28 00:00:52,870 --> 00:00:54,660 Turn on the lights, Jenny. 29 00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:57,380 Three, two, one. 30 00:00:57,460 --> 00:01:00,200 - Pull! - Ugh. 31 00:01:00,220 --> 00:01:03,060 - [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS] - _ 32 00:01:03,080 --> 00:01:05,400 - Synced and corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com -- 33 00:01:05,420 --> 00:01:06,649 ♪ Fresh off the boat ♪ 34 00:01:06,650 --> 00:01:08,330 ♪ I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go ♪ 35 00:01:08,350 --> 00:01:10,630 ♪ If you don't know, homey, now you know ♪ 36 00:01:10,650 --> 00:01:11,680 ♪ Fresh off the boat ♪ 37 00:01:11,690 --> 00:01:14,080 ♪ Homey, you don't know where I come from ♪ 38 00:01:14,110 --> 00:01:15,440 ♪ But I know where I'm goin' ♪ 39 00:01:15,470 --> 00:01:18,280 ♪ I'm fresh off the boat ♪ 40 00:01:18,700 --> 00:01:21,320 [CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYS] 41 00:01:25,040 --> 00:01:26,470 Hey, what are you doing? 42 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:27,570 Upgrading my stocking. 43 00:01:27,640 --> 00:01:29,510 I'm too old for Large Bird. 44 00:01:29,610 --> 00:01:31,286 Evan and Emery can stick with their knock-off 45 00:01:31,310 --> 00:01:33,180 Biscuit Monster and Trash Grump. 46 00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:35,100 Nice try. You just want a bigger stocking 47 00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:36,280 so you get more stuff. 48 00:01:36,380 --> 00:01:37,380 I thought you'd like it. 49 00:01:37,420 --> 00:01:39,480 It's a classic red stocking. 50 00:01:39,580 --> 00:01:41,750 It used to say "Tim" in glitter, but I picked it off. 51 00:01:41,770 --> 00:01:43,620 No. Large Bird stays. 52 00:01:45,320 --> 00:01:47,290 Here you go, Frosty. 53 00:01:47,390 --> 00:01:48,890 Nope, too close to the rabbit. 54 00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:50,580 Don't want it to eat your nose. 55 00:01:51,420 --> 00:01:53,010 Can't put you next to the snow-woman. 56 00:01:53,030 --> 00:01:55,000 Don't want any Christmas surprises. 57 00:01:55,140 --> 00:01:57,770 Frosty's not an A-squad ornament, hang him in the back. 58 00:01:57,870 --> 00:01:59,400 You heard the lady. 59 00:01:59,450 --> 00:02:02,380 It's not so bad back there. You can get away with more. 60 00:02:02,570 --> 00:02:05,310 Another Christmas in Jessica Town. 61 00:02:05,410 --> 00:02:10,320 Oh, and the milliner finally kicked her hard cider addiction. 62 00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:13,050 Mm. She looks so much younger. 63 00:02:13,150 --> 00:02:15,780 Each one of these ornaments tells a story. 64 00:02:15,820 --> 00:02:19,590 This pineapple symbolizes the time we bought tropical fruit 65 00:02:19,620 --> 00:02:21,500 from a gas station and all got sick. 66 00:02:21,530 --> 00:02:22,860 I lost 3 pounds. 67 00:02:22,900 --> 00:02:25,090 Nicole sent me an ornament that tells a story, too... 68 00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:27,220 how there is no truer common ground 69 00:02:27,250 --> 00:02:29,160 between a lesbian and a 15-year-old boy 70 00:02:29,270 --> 00:02:30,820 than the movie "Wild Things." 71 00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:32,300 We're not hanging that on the tree. 72 00:02:32,350 --> 00:02:33,780 Fine, I'll just put it over my bed. 73 00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:35,060 Why? 74 00:02:38,210 --> 00:02:39,560 While we're on the subject of Nicole, 75 00:02:39,580 --> 00:02:41,896 she asked if I could come visit her in New York for Christmas. 76 00:02:41,920 --> 00:02:43,740 The Big Apple, Concrete Jungle... 77 00:02:43,770 --> 00:02:45,180 We spend Christmas together. 78 00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:46,380 It's tradition. 79 00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:48,350 You don't change tradition. 80 00:02:48,450 --> 00:02:50,650 Every other family is a mess during the holidays... 81 00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:52,459 not us, we cruise right through it 82 00:02:52,460 --> 00:02:54,700 because we are consistent. 83 00:02:54,780 --> 00:02:56,160 We stick with what works. 84 00:02:56,260 --> 00:02:58,260 - We'll revisit this later. - No, we won't. 85 00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:00,540 And the dance begins. 86 00:03:00,660 --> 00:03:02,060 Mom, she's ready. 87 00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:04,920 Ah, there she is. 88 00:03:05,760 --> 00:03:07,640 Awaken, my sweet. 89 00:03:07,740 --> 00:03:09,060 So we can't put "Wild Things" on, 90 00:03:09,100 --> 00:03:10,786 but this old battle axe is allowed up there? 91 00:03:10,810 --> 00:03:12,940 Yes, because for 15 years, 92 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:14,650 she's perched atop of our tree 93 00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:17,940 and watched one perfect Christmas after another. 94 00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:19,780 My angel. 95 00:03:20,620 --> 00:03:25,320 ♪ 96 00:03:25,420 --> 00:03:27,380 [CLATTER] 97 00:03:27,420 --> 00:03:28,660 [LAUGHS] 98 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:32,600 _ 99 00:03:32,640 --> 00:03:35,120 _ 100 00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:40,460 ♪ 101 00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:42,910 I took the 20-sided dice from "Dungeons and Dragons," 102 00:03:42,920 --> 00:03:44,556 so we are gonna be zipping around the board. 103 00:03:44,580 --> 00:03:46,340 Not if Emery can't choose his token. 104 00:03:46,410 --> 00:03:48,660 Come on, we only have eight hours blocked off for this game. 105 00:03:48,680 --> 00:03:50,640 He's right, pick. This game takes days. 106 00:03:50,660 --> 00:03:53,220 I can't. I love the clean look of the iron, 107 00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:55,050 but also the hat is so dapper, 108 00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:57,340 and then there's the dog... probably a rescue. 109 00:03:58,400 --> 00:03:59,740 So, since Honey, Marvin, 110 00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:01,170 and Nicole are in New York this year, 111 00:04:01,190 --> 00:04:02,990 we have three empty seats we need to fill 112 00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:04,090 for Christmas Eve dinner. 113 00:04:04,100 --> 00:04:05,560 We could do just the six of us. 114 00:04:05,580 --> 00:04:06,810 We could do a thousand things, 115 00:04:06,830 --> 00:04:07,830 but what we're gonna do 116 00:04:07,850 --> 00:04:08,970 is what we always do, 117 00:04:08,980 --> 00:04:10,320 which is nine people. 118 00:04:10,380 --> 00:04:11,930 I just thought it might be easier. 119 00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:13,470 Save your bad ideas for Halloween. 120 00:04:13,570 --> 00:04:14,939 I am in charge of Christmas, 121 00:04:14,940 --> 00:04:17,470 and my reindeer plate set is for nine people. 122 00:04:17,540 --> 00:04:19,900 We can't just leave out Donner, Blitzen, and Rudolph. 123 00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:23,950 So, each one of you boys can bring one friend. 124 00:04:24,010 --> 00:04:26,200 - Eddie is bringing Trevor. - You mean Trent? 125 00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:27,500 Sure. 126 00:04:28,100 --> 00:04:30,170 Well, that's fun. Who are you gonna invite? 127 00:04:30,220 --> 00:04:32,039 Zach. He's always my go-to. 128 00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:33,230 Mine's Marvin. 129 00:04:33,260 --> 00:04:34,660 - Mm. - I'm not sure. 130 00:04:34,680 --> 00:04:37,890 There's Andy, Caleb, Sydney, Kate... 131 00:04:37,900 --> 00:04:39,000 Here he goes again. 132 00:04:39,030 --> 00:04:40,440 Can never make a decision. 133 00:04:40,460 --> 00:04:42,520 [CHUCKLES] Must be tough to have so many friends. 134 00:04:42,570 --> 00:04:45,470 Dennis, Andrew, Janet who works the register at Mervyn's... 135 00:04:45,540 --> 00:04:46,579 My friend Mervyn! 136 00:04:46,580 --> 00:04:48,740 No, I can't invite him without inviting Alanis... 137 00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:50,740 And then there's Bobby and Dwayne, 138 00:04:50,750 --> 00:04:52,259 and what about the Spinelli twins? 139 00:04:52,260 --> 00:04:54,080 How could I forget about them? 140 00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:55,980 ♪ 141 00:04:56,050 --> 00:04:57,950 [TAPE RIPPING] 142 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,650 Did you get a new angel? 143 00:05:01,750 --> 00:05:03,360 Oh, my God, that's the same one. 144 00:05:03,380 --> 00:05:04,819 They said she'd never fly again, 145 00:05:04,820 --> 00:05:06,369 but she's gonna prove them all wrong. 146 00:05:06,370 --> 00:05:08,490 Off of that, I was thinking maybe I could make some 147 00:05:08,590 --> 00:05:10,090 brownies with candy canes this year. 148 00:05:10,100 --> 00:05:11,880 Still festive, still a sweet treat. 149 00:05:11,890 --> 00:05:13,800 Plus, we get to smash some canes. 150 00:05:13,900 --> 00:05:15,570 I make the cookies. You lick the bowl. 151 00:05:15,580 --> 00:05:16,600 And I'll still do that, 152 00:05:16,620 --> 00:05:18,780 but I figured I could help you lessen the workload. 153 00:05:18,860 --> 00:05:20,160 What's your game, Huang? 154 00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:24,920 Okay, I realized that New York was too big a swing. 155 00:05:24,980 --> 00:05:27,080 So, I thought I could help you get rid of 156 00:05:27,100 --> 00:05:28,110 your fear of change... 157 00:05:28,210 --> 00:05:29,880 I don't fear change. I hate it. 158 00:05:30,150 --> 00:05:32,150 Right, but if we start smaller, 159 00:05:32,220 --> 00:05:34,040 you might see that change can actually be fun. 160 00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:36,550 You're not going to New York by yourself. 161 00:05:36,570 --> 00:05:38,420 - You're still a kid. - I'm not a kid. 162 00:05:38,470 --> 00:05:39,519 I have shoulder hair. 163 00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:41,160 Please, you still watch Ben and Jerry. 164 00:05:41,230 --> 00:05:42,940 "Tom and Jerry," and I haven't watched that cartoon 165 00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:44,090 since I was eight years old. 166 00:05:44,110 --> 00:05:45,920 So why do you care about their names so much? 167 00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:48,900 [SIGHS] Okay, you don't have to decide on New York right now, 168 00:05:48,970 --> 00:05:51,060 but at least consider candy cane brownies. 169 00:05:51,770 --> 00:05:53,500 Let me ask you a question. 170 00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:55,000 Do you hate Christmas? 171 00:05:55,110 --> 00:05:56,710 No, I love it. It's my favorite. 172 00:05:56,810 --> 00:05:58,340 You know why that is? 173 00:05:58,410 --> 00:06:00,880 Because I spent years perfecting it. 174 00:06:00,980 --> 00:06:02,340 We have our set plan... 175 00:06:02,410 --> 00:06:03,980 "Miracle on 34th Street," 176 00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:05,410 "The Nutcracker" ballet, 177 00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:07,780 snowman pancakes, and the hour where I sing along 178 00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:09,520 with Bing Crosby after Christmas dinner. 179 00:06:09,550 --> 00:06:11,620 Wait, we're still doing "The Nutcracker"? 180 00:06:11,690 --> 00:06:13,270 I thought we were done with that snooze-fest. 181 00:06:13,290 --> 00:06:15,340 Oh, we only skipped last year because the playhouse 182 00:06:15,360 --> 00:06:17,680 decided to do a Disney-themed "Nutcracker." 183 00:06:17,700 --> 00:06:19,430 Sugar plum Goofy, no thank you. 184 00:06:19,500 --> 00:06:21,320 Well, can I at least skip the ballet this year? 185 00:06:21,330 --> 00:06:23,800 I mean, no need to spend 50 bucks for me to fall asleep. 186 00:06:23,900 --> 00:06:25,470 Come on, be a little flexible. 187 00:06:25,570 --> 00:06:28,200 Flexibility is not what Christmas is about. 188 00:06:28,310 --> 00:06:30,340 Commitment and tradition are. 189 00:06:30,440 --> 00:06:31,920 No New York, no brownies. 190 00:06:33,680 --> 00:06:36,180 [DOOR OPENS] 191 00:06:36,220 --> 00:06:37,540 [EXHALES SHARPLY] 192 00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:42,420 _ 193 00:06:42,690 --> 00:06:44,020 She won't let me do anything. 194 00:06:44,050 --> 00:06:45,336 She still thinks I'm a little kid! 195 00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:47,300 But I'm older now. When will she get that? 196 00:06:47,390 --> 00:06:50,220 _ 197 00:06:50,300 --> 00:06:53,440 _ 198 00:06:55,270 --> 00:06:58,630 Oh, don't tell your mom I'm stealing her potatoes. 199 00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:06,300 ♪ 200 00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:08,440 Great idea to do breakfast on the couch. 201 00:07:08,470 --> 00:07:10,610 This is like when that lizard got into the kitchen. 202 00:07:10,620 --> 00:07:12,880 It's not usually my style, but if you can't cut loose 203 00:07:12,900 --> 00:07:14,720 during the holidays, then when? 204 00:07:14,820 --> 00:07:15,950 [LAUGHS] 205 00:07:18,380 --> 00:07:20,620 Oh, boy, you have pink eye again? 206 00:07:20,630 --> 00:07:22,406 You really need to start washing your hands better. 207 00:07:22,430 --> 00:07:23,870 I was up all night trying to figure out 208 00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:25,960 who to invite to Christmas Eve. 209 00:07:26,060 --> 00:07:27,230 Too hard to choose. 210 00:07:27,290 --> 00:07:28,300 I can't narrow it down. 211 00:07:28,350 --> 00:07:29,370 I need coffee. 212 00:07:29,400 --> 00:07:31,130 And wash your hands! 213 00:07:32,670 --> 00:07:35,200 Emery always has a hard time making decisions. 214 00:07:35,250 --> 00:07:37,240 Now you add in Christmas and friends? 215 00:07:37,340 --> 00:07:38,420 Never gonna happen. 216 00:07:38,460 --> 00:07:40,380 He's gonna need our help. 217 00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:42,580 Who's Stan Mallman? 218 00:07:42,650 --> 00:07:43,820 "Mail man." 219 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:46,150 - That's our mail man. - Oh. 220 00:07:46,250 --> 00:07:47,620 I can't ever remember his name. 221 00:07:47,720 --> 00:07:49,960 I just say, "Yo," when I see him. 222 00:07:51,620 --> 00:07:54,860 ♪ 223 00:07:57,440 --> 00:08:00,630 Oh, are you off to your job reporting the weather? 224 00:08:00,660 --> 00:08:03,630 [LAUGHS] 225 00:08:03,730 --> 00:08:05,100 Good one, Jessica. 226 00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:06,640 Oh, this? 227 00:08:06,700 --> 00:08:09,140 I just thought it was time to start dressing more maturely. 228 00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:11,240 You know, because I'm maturing. 229 00:08:12,380 --> 00:08:14,140 And I was thinking about what you said... 230 00:08:14,170 --> 00:08:15,680 how this is the season of giving. 231 00:08:15,780 --> 00:08:18,219 - Yes? - And I feel like 232 00:08:18,220 --> 00:08:20,320 I'm at an age where I need to start giving back. 233 00:08:20,420 --> 00:08:22,036 So I'm volunteering at a homeless shelter. 234 00:08:22,060 --> 00:08:25,420 Wear gloves and don't give any personal information. 235 00:08:25,580 --> 00:08:28,420 It wouldn't be who I'd give my time to, 236 00:08:28,530 --> 00:08:30,960 but that is very mature of you. 237 00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:33,280 What can I say? I'm growing up. 238 00:08:34,430 --> 00:08:35,860 Oh, just one thing... 239 00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:37,846 I'm volunteering the same night as "The Nutcracker," 240 00:08:37,870 --> 00:08:40,340 so I can't make it. Sorry. 241 00:08:40,380 --> 00:08:42,070 ♪ 242 00:08:42,170 --> 00:08:44,310 [DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES] 243 00:08:47,230 --> 00:08:49,800 ♪ Up on the housetop, reindeer pause ♪ 244 00:08:49,830 --> 00:08:52,330 ♪ Out jumps Lao Ban Santa Claus ♪ 245 00:08:52,370 --> 00:08:53,600 [HUMMING] 246 00:08:53,620 --> 00:08:56,069 [SIGHS] 247 00:08:56,070 --> 00:08:57,300 Oh. 248 00:08:58,540 --> 00:09:00,970 You must be so tired from volunteering. 249 00:09:01,070 --> 00:09:02,610 I am. Tough day. 250 00:09:02,670 --> 00:09:04,310 I couldn't make the gravy fast enough. 251 00:09:04,320 --> 00:09:06,180 Homeless people put it on everything! 252 00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:08,310 Mm, that sounds hard. Drink your cocoa. 253 00:09:08,410 --> 00:09:09,880 Why are you being so nice to me? 254 00:09:09,980 --> 00:09:11,930 I thought you were mad because I had to miss "The Nutcracker." 255 00:09:11,950 --> 00:09:14,650 Well, I realized you were right. 256 00:09:14,750 --> 00:09:16,450 - I was? - Mm-hmm. 257 00:09:16,470 --> 00:09:18,190 I do need to be more flexible. 258 00:09:18,290 --> 00:09:20,490 Right, change can be good. 259 00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:23,960 Like... maybe I can go to New York after all? 260 00:09:24,030 --> 00:09:26,160 [LAUGHS] Oh, God, no. 261 00:09:26,260 --> 00:09:28,630 But I did flexibly change the date 262 00:09:28,650 --> 00:09:30,579 of our "Nutcracker" tickets to tomorrow 263 00:09:30,580 --> 00:09:32,039 so you can still come. 264 00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:33,160 What? 265 00:09:33,340 --> 00:09:35,510 Oh, and I had your plaid vest let out 266 00:09:35,550 --> 00:09:37,080 so you can match your brothers. 267 00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:38,880 [SIGHS] 268 00:09:38,920 --> 00:09:40,480 It's like you want me to get beat up. 269 00:09:42,780 --> 00:09:48,160 ♪ I saw Mommy kissing Lao Ban Santa Claus ♪ 270 00:09:48,220 --> 00:09:52,940 ♪ 271 00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:54,820 - Thirsty? - Let's cut the crap. 272 00:09:54,890 --> 00:09:56,060 You need to make a decision 273 00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:57,780 about who to bring on Christmas Eve. 274 00:09:57,800 --> 00:09:59,700 Okay. I don't know yet. 275 00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:02,060 What he means is we all got that go-to friend, 276 00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:03,260 and we're gonna help you find yours. 277 00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:04,459 You're in the cafeteria, 278 00:10:04,460 --> 00:10:06,099 you've got half a sandwich to share. 279 00:10:06,100 --> 00:10:07,140 Who do you give it to? 280 00:10:07,170 --> 00:10:08,600 Um, what kind of sandwich? 281 00:10:08,630 --> 00:10:10,610 PBandJ. Who do you give it to?! 282 00:10:10,650 --> 00:10:12,540 Easy, Evan. Take your time, Emery. 283 00:10:12,570 --> 00:10:14,640 We're all on the same team here. 284 00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:19,380 ♪ 285 00:10:19,750 --> 00:10:20,900 Let's try this again. 286 00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:23,520 You've been waiting in line for a roller coaster for hours. 287 00:10:23,550 --> 00:10:24,820 You finally get to the front. 288 00:10:24,890 --> 00:10:27,120 Two seats in the first car, the best car. 289 00:10:27,230 --> 00:10:28,280 Who do you take? 290 00:10:28,790 --> 00:10:32,620 Um, well, Caleb has really good posture, but Andy's very... 291 00:10:32,630 --> 00:10:34,580 Caleb or Andy? Just pick one! 292 00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:35,610 I don't know. 293 00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:37,900 Is it really hot in here? 294 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:39,580 - Maybe Ryan? - Ryan?! 295 00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:40,870 Where did Ryan come from? 296 00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:42,740 Evan, hey, walk it off. Walk it off! 297 00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:47,480 ♪ 298 00:10:47,500 --> 00:10:49,980 You're having a bad hair day. Who's your go-to? 299 00:10:50,480 --> 00:10:52,620 - You, Dad. - [SIGHS] You're damn right. 300 00:10:52,630 --> 00:10:54,150 [LAUGHS] 301 00:10:54,220 --> 00:10:56,750 Sorry to break up the party, ladies. 302 00:10:56,820 --> 00:10:58,790 It's winter break, so we don't have a bedtime. 303 00:10:58,890 --> 00:11:01,080 And we're not going anywhere till we find an answer. 304 00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:03,590 Forget it, I'm not inviting anybody. 305 00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:04,990 If it's this hard to figure out, 306 00:11:05,100 --> 00:11:06,700 maybe I don't have a go-to friend at all. 307 00:11:06,740 --> 00:11:10,470 ♪ 308 00:11:10,540 --> 00:11:12,700 Just give me ten minutes alone with him. 309 00:11:14,360 --> 00:11:17,970 [TCHAIKOVSKY'S "THE NUTCRACKER MARCH" PLAYS] 310 00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:24,800 ♪ 311 00:11:26,150 --> 00:11:31,840 ♪ 312 00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:36,960 [SNORING] 313 00:11:37,060 --> 00:11:40,730 ♪ 314 00:11:40,830 --> 00:11:42,400 Psst! Eddie, wake up! 315 00:11:42,420 --> 00:11:43,780 It's the Waltz of the Snowflakes! 316 00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:44,940 Ow, you pinched me! 317 00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:46,370 - No sleeping. - What do you mean? 318 00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:47,470 I sleep every year. 319 00:11:47,570 --> 00:11:48,670 You want a new tradition? 320 00:11:48,680 --> 00:11:50,070 Stay awake. 321 00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:53,080 You like dancing so much? 322 00:11:53,180 --> 00:11:54,400 Let's dance. 323 00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:56,480 [MUSIC STOPS] 324 00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:02,850 - [RUN-DMC'S "CHRISTMAS IN HOLLIS" PLAYS] - _ 325 00:12:02,950 --> 00:12:05,490 ♪ It was December 24th on Hollis Ave in the dark ♪ 326 00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:07,990 ♪ When I see a man chilling with his dog in the park ♪ 327 00:12:08,060 --> 00:12:10,380 ♪ I approached him very slowly with my heart full of fear ♪ 328 00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:13,160 ♪ Looked at his dog, oh, my God, an ill reindeer ♪ 329 00:12:13,230 --> 00:12:15,460 ♪ But then I was illin, 'cause the man had a beard ♪ 330 00:12:15,480 --> 00:12:17,970 ♪ And a bag full of goodies, 12 o'clock had neared ♪ 331 00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:20,440 ♪ So I turned my head a second, and the man had gone ♪ 332 00:12:20,510 --> 00:12:22,810 ♪ But he left his driver's wallet smack dead on the lawn ♪ 333 00:12:22,870 --> 00:12:25,440 Jessica Town is now under martial law. 334 00:12:25,470 --> 00:12:26,546 - Ho, ho, ho. - ♪ Took out the license ♪ 335 00:12:26,570 --> 00:12:27,916 ♪ And it cold said "Santa Claus" ♪ 336 00:12:27,940 --> 00:12:29,010 ♪ A million... ♪ 337 00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:30,480 - [MUSIC STOPS] - Hey! 338 00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:31,980 I know what you're doing. 339 00:12:32,030 --> 00:12:34,720 You're not taking over my Christmas with your nonsense. 340 00:12:34,790 --> 00:12:36,100 I don't know what you're talking about. 341 00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:37,419 You're trying to break me 342 00:12:37,420 --> 00:12:38,880 so you can get whatever you want. 343 00:12:38,900 --> 00:12:40,620 It's never gonna happen. 344 00:12:40,730 --> 00:12:42,400 Ho, ho, ho. 345 00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:46,380 _ 346 00:12:46,420 --> 00:12:49,220 _ 347 00:12:49,380 --> 00:12:51,380 _ 348 00:12:51,500 --> 00:12:52,540 Oh, this isn't over. 349 00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:54,300 I've got more tricks up my sleeve. 350 00:12:54,410 --> 00:12:57,540 She may have killed the music, but we're still dancing. 351 00:12:57,600 --> 00:12:59,120 _ 352 00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:01,180 _ 353 00:13:01,220 --> 00:13:04,120 _ 354 00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:05,720 Her own potatoes? 355 00:13:08,460 --> 00:13:11,790 ♪ 356 00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:14,320 Hmm. I hung this gator on the wrong spot. 357 00:13:14,430 --> 00:13:16,360 It's too animal-heavy on this side. 358 00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:18,820 This is a tree, not a zoo. 359 00:13:19,260 --> 00:13:20,730 That's a Douglas Fir. 360 00:13:20,830 --> 00:13:23,270 Keep an eye on her. They get real thirsty. 361 00:13:23,300 --> 00:13:24,620 Not now, Zach. 362 00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:26,200 Maybe here... 363 00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:28,020 No, not next to Santa's workshop, 364 00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:29,400 I don't want him to eat any of the elves 365 00:13:29,420 --> 00:13:32,340 when they step out on a smoke break. [SIGHS] 366 00:13:32,370 --> 00:13:34,090 Looks like the ornament doesn't fall far 367 00:13:34,100 --> 00:13:35,580 from the Christmas tree. 368 00:13:35,620 --> 00:13:38,300 This is where Emery gets his indecisiveness from! 369 00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:40,120 I know how to make a decision. 370 00:13:40,140 --> 00:13:42,060 Just put the gator next to the surfing Santa. 371 00:13:42,170 --> 00:13:43,200 Perfect. 372 00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:46,240 Hmm. 373 00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:49,460 Oh. Who are you? Who's this? 374 00:13:49,560 --> 00:13:52,160 Trent couldn't come, so I invited Cindy from the shelter. 375 00:13:52,230 --> 00:13:54,830 Great, so I'm the only one without a guest? 376 00:13:54,850 --> 00:13:56,720 Welcome. Are you Eddie's supervisor? 377 00:13:56,750 --> 00:13:58,540 Oh, no, I go there to eat. 378 00:13:59,820 --> 00:14:01,040 Homeless... 379 00:14:01,140 --> 00:14:03,210 Cindy walked the Appalachian Trail 380 00:14:03,250 --> 00:14:04,840 all the way here from New Hampshire. 381 00:14:04,910 --> 00:14:06,780 Yeah, I love being homeless. 382 00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:09,250 No ties, just freedom and fresh air. 383 00:14:09,310 --> 00:14:10,990 And I'm friends with a host at Olive Garden 384 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:12,480 who gives me their leftovers. 385 00:14:12,580 --> 00:14:15,900 I brought you these breadsticks to thank you for having me. 386 00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:19,590 They're a little hard, but, um, hey, so is life. 387 00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:20,890 [CHUCKLES] 388 00:14:23,020 --> 00:14:26,329 Cindy, can I get you some cider? 389 00:14:26,330 --> 00:14:27,340 Oh. Sure. 390 00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:29,370 Great tree topper, by the way. 391 00:14:29,470 --> 00:14:32,540 ♪ 392 00:14:32,550 --> 00:14:33,559 [GASPS] 393 00:14:33,560 --> 00:14:37,260 You put your porno ornament on my angel?! 394 00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:41,800 [GLASS SHATTERING] 395 00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:50,260 ♪ 396 00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:52,150 "Porno ornament"? 397 00:14:52,170 --> 00:14:54,840 Or pornament. Right? 398 00:14:55,300 --> 00:14:58,130 _ 399 00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:01,939 ♪ 400 00:15:01,940 --> 00:15:04,299 Jessica, I gotta hand it to you, you picked a strong tree. 401 00:15:04,300 --> 00:15:06,300 It really held your weight. 402 00:15:06,370 --> 00:15:09,640 Cindy, Zach, Merry Christmas. 403 00:15:12,980 --> 00:15:13,980 I really messed up. 404 00:15:14,010 --> 00:15:15,700 Ah, it's okay. I'll talk to your mom. 405 00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:16,849 Maybe this isn't the time, 406 00:15:16,850 --> 00:15:19,220 but stuff like this never happens on Halloween. 407 00:15:19,260 --> 00:15:24,890 ♪ 408 00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:27,330 [SIGHS] This tinsel is never coming out. 409 00:15:27,430 --> 00:15:29,060 It lives here now... 410 00:15:29,210 --> 00:15:31,210 [GROANS] as part of my hair. 411 00:15:31,310 --> 00:15:33,440 Yeah, you really did a number on that tree. 412 00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:36,320 Well, now we're just like every other family. 413 00:15:36,340 --> 00:15:38,290 We let our Christmas turn into chaos. 414 00:15:38,300 --> 00:15:39,590 We? [CHUCKLES] 415 00:15:39,690 --> 00:15:40,790 You. 416 00:15:41,580 --> 00:15:43,320 Uh... We. 417 00:15:43,330 --> 00:15:45,260 I told Eddie this would happen. 418 00:15:45,330 --> 00:15:46,859 You don't mess with what works, 419 00:15:46,860 --> 00:15:48,560 especially on Christmas. 420 00:15:48,630 --> 00:15:50,630 You know who else I remember feeling that way? 421 00:15:50,730 --> 00:15:52,110 Barbra Streisand, Jim Belushi? 422 00:15:52,140 --> 00:15:53,630 Louis, I'm not in the mood to guess. 423 00:15:53,660 --> 00:15:54,670 Your mother, 424 00:15:54,700 --> 00:15:56,740 when you wrestled parts of Christmas away from her. 425 00:15:56,810 --> 00:15:59,210 I was just trying to make Christmas better. 426 00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:01,440 She used to wrap presents in newspaper. 427 00:16:01,540 --> 00:16:03,680 Besides, I was an adult. 428 00:16:03,750 --> 00:16:05,780 Well, Eddie is 6'2". 429 00:16:05,850 --> 00:16:07,010 [CHUCKLES] 430 00:16:07,050 --> 00:16:09,380 Look, whether we like it or not, he's growing up. 431 00:16:09,450 --> 00:16:11,500 We can't force him to wear that Christmas vest forever. 432 00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:12,750 [DOORBELL RINGS] 433 00:16:12,860 --> 00:16:14,290 [SIGHS] 434 00:16:16,390 --> 00:16:18,960 You think Marvin came back early from New York to surprise me? 435 00:16:19,030 --> 00:16:21,660 No, I think it's Emery's friend, Caleb. 436 00:16:21,770 --> 00:16:23,330 I called him. 437 00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:25,500 You and Emery are both indecisive. 438 00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:27,400 The difference is you have Mommy. 439 00:16:27,770 --> 00:16:30,240 So I decided to be Emery's Mommy. 440 00:16:30,980 --> 00:16:33,240 Wait, wife? 441 00:16:33,310 --> 00:16:35,180 Husband? 442 00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:36,600 Decision-maker. 443 00:16:36,620 --> 00:16:38,780 Mm. So no Marvin. 444 00:16:39,020 --> 00:16:40,310 Emery! 445 00:16:40,420 --> 00:16:43,450 ♪ 446 00:16:43,550 --> 00:16:44,656 What are you all doing here? 447 00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:46,740 Evan called and said you needed a friend. 448 00:16:46,820 --> 00:16:49,090 And then I called Andy who called Trish and... 449 00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:51,920 well, we all wanted to be here for you. 450 00:16:52,100 --> 00:16:54,440 I'm Jewish and Mervyn's closes early on Christmas Eve, 451 00:16:54,460 --> 00:16:55,500 so I was wide open. 452 00:16:55,700 --> 00:16:57,000 I don't know what to say. 453 00:16:57,100 --> 00:16:58,470 Thanks so much for coming. 454 00:16:58,540 --> 00:17:00,800 You don't have one go-to friend, you have a whole bunch. 455 00:17:01,970 --> 00:17:03,940 - And a great wife. - Thanks, Dad. 456 00:17:04,270 --> 00:17:05,410 [CHUCKLES] 457 00:17:05,510 --> 00:17:07,760 It's just like "It's a Wonderful Life." 458 00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:09,640 Except you should all go. 459 00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:11,110 It's Christmas Eve. 460 00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:16,650 And I finally decided who my go-to guy is. 461 00:17:16,750 --> 00:17:18,250 It's you. 462 00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:20,090 Who else would do all this for me? 463 00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:22,500 Hey, Merry Christmas, Louis! 464 00:17:23,090 --> 00:17:25,030 Yo! [LAUGHS] 465 00:17:26,030 --> 00:17:28,260 [KNOCKING] 466 00:17:28,360 --> 00:17:30,009 I colored over the duct tape with a red sharpie 467 00:17:30,010 --> 00:17:32,420 to be festive but now it just looks like she's bleeding. 468 00:17:34,460 --> 00:17:36,140 I'm really sorry I was such a jerk. 469 00:17:36,210 --> 00:17:37,510 You're not a jerk. 470 00:17:37,610 --> 00:17:38,900 You're Eddie and I'm me. 471 00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:41,140 So this is gonna happen sometimes. 472 00:17:45,220 --> 00:17:48,240 Look, I know you were upset about New York... 473 00:17:48,360 --> 00:17:49,880 It wasn't just New York... 474 00:17:49,990 --> 00:17:52,260 you weren't open to even the smallest change. 475 00:17:55,390 --> 00:17:56,890 Listen, Eddie. 476 00:17:56,990 --> 00:17:59,360 When you were first born, your dad was working a lot 477 00:17:59,380 --> 00:18:02,160 and I was overwhelmed being a new mother. 478 00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:04,700 I didn't know if I was doing a good job or not. 479 00:18:05,740 --> 00:18:07,200 But then our first Christmas, 480 00:18:07,250 --> 00:18:09,560 you and I had all these fun times together. 481 00:18:11,370 --> 00:18:13,520 Our first Christmas card photo. 482 00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:15,320 Man, I was a cute-ass baby. 483 00:18:15,350 --> 00:18:17,550 We watched "Miracle on 34th Street," 484 00:18:17,650 --> 00:18:20,410 and you fell asleep on me listening to "The Nutcracker." 485 00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:22,080 That's why it makes me so sleepy! 486 00:18:22,250 --> 00:18:24,450 And when you first saw this angel, 487 00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:26,920 you were laughing non-stop. 488 00:18:26,990 --> 00:18:28,760 It was the best sound. 489 00:18:28,770 --> 00:18:30,920 It made everything feel okay. 490 00:18:30,940 --> 00:18:32,320 It still does. 491 00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:36,140 Now I get why you don't want to change all these traditions. 492 00:18:36,170 --> 00:18:38,600 That, and letting you make new traditions 493 00:18:38,630 --> 00:18:40,600 means admitting that you're growing up. 494 00:18:40,700 --> 00:18:43,840 And that is the change I am really not ready for. 495 00:18:43,940 --> 00:18:45,370 [SIGHS] 496 00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:47,179 But I guess it's gonna happen 497 00:18:47,180 --> 00:18:49,360 no matter how stubborn I am. 498 00:18:50,010 --> 00:18:51,350 [CHUCKLES] Sounds to me 499 00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:53,880 like someone's coming around on Christmas brownies... 500 00:18:53,980 --> 00:18:56,079 Smashy smashy some canes? 501 00:18:56,080 --> 00:18:57,189 Okay. 502 00:18:57,190 --> 00:18:59,290 But we're not gonna call them "reindeer patties." 503 00:18:59,390 --> 00:19:01,059 - We'll revisit this. - No, we won't. 504 00:19:01,060 --> 00:19:02,540 And the dance begins... 505 00:19:02,990 --> 00:19:05,040 And the dance begins... 506 00:19:05,530 --> 00:19:09,760 ♪ 507 00:19:11,980 --> 00:19:13,430 What's that mess? 508 00:19:13,540 --> 00:19:15,080 EVAN: It's a dog in a top hat, 509 00:19:15,100 --> 00:19:16,970 holding an iron, riding in a wheelbarrow. 510 00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:19,080 - I made it. - That's what Evan got me for Christmas 511 00:19:19,110 --> 00:19:21,040 so I don't waste any time picking my piece. 512 00:19:25,150 --> 00:19:26,950 Tennessee Avenue. Not doing it. 513 00:19:27,020 --> 00:19:28,390 Did you know the oranges are the most 514 00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:30,250 frequently landed-upon properties? 515 00:19:30,350 --> 00:19:32,120 I'm not an orange guy. It washes me out. 516 00:19:32,220 --> 00:19:35,400 The game is Monopoly, not favorite colors. 517 00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:38,660 ♪ 518 00:19:38,700 --> 00:19:40,530 No! Don't smash us! 519 00:19:40,630 --> 00:19:42,160 Save me! 520 00:19:42,270 --> 00:19:44,630 I have a family! 521 00:19:44,730 --> 00:19:45,870 You wanna try? 522 00:19:45,970 --> 00:19:47,440 I think you'll like it. 523 00:19:49,340 --> 00:19:50,470 Smash! 524 00:19:50,570 --> 00:19:51,639 Feels good, right? 525 00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:53,120 Yes! 526 00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:55,510 Okay, no, calm down. 527 00:19:55,550 --> 00:19:57,116 If you keep that up, you'll put a hole in the bag. 528 00:19:57,140 --> 00:20:01,010 ♪ 529 00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:07,140 ♪ Sing we joyous all together! ♪ 530 00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:08,550 ♪ Fa la la la la... ♪ 531 00:20:08,590 --> 00:20:11,200 ♪ ... la la la laaaa ♪ 532 00:20:11,430 --> 00:20:13,380 - So festive! - So good! 533 00:20:13,450 --> 00:20:15,080 - So loud! - So great. 534 00:20:15,180 --> 00:20:17,320 Anyway, the karaoke machine was my present, 535 00:20:17,340 --> 00:20:19,270 so maybe I can sing Aerosmith finally? 536 00:20:19,370 --> 00:20:21,400 Nope. We have one more song this year. 537 00:20:21,510 --> 00:20:25,500 Great, I'll just, um, play with my new dress socks, then. 538 00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:28,200 ♪ It was December 24th on Hollis Ave in the dark ♪ 539 00:20:28,250 --> 00:20:30,740 ♪ When I saw a man chilling with his dog in the park ♪ 540 00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:33,200 ♪ I approached him very slowly with my heart full of fear ♪ 541 00:20:33,230 --> 00:20:36,020 ♪ Looked at his dog, oh, my God, an ill reindeer ♪ 542 00:20:36,120 --> 00:20:38,420 ♪ And then I was illin, 'cause the man had a beard ♪ 543 00:20:38,450 --> 00:20:40,990 ♪ And a bag full of goodies, 12 o'clock had neared ♪ 544 00:20:41,090 --> 00:20:43,360 ♪ I turned my head a second, and the man was gone ♪ 545 00:20:43,460 --> 00:20:46,149 ♪ But he left his driver's wallet smack dead on the lawn ♪ 546 00:20:46,150 --> 00:20:51,150 - Synced and corrected by MementMori - --